10 brilliant things heard in Canterbury pubs

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The Seven Stars in Orange Street, Canterbury

The Canterbury Journal’s resident pub historian Rory Kehoe is a collector.

He collects old photographs of Canterbury pubs and other memorabilia.

I am also a collector of pub memorabilia – but my collection comprises things I’ve either overheard in Canterbury pubs or have been told directly

Here’s my list of the best 10 things I’ve heard in Canterbury’s pubs in all the years I’ve been using them. Enjoy:

Best way to find a pub you quite fancy having a drink in: “I didn’t even know this pub was here. I only came down this road because a few days ago because I was being chased by the police and as I ran past I thought ‘that’s a nice pub’.”

Best reason to drink every day: “I only come in here to get away from her at home.”

How the parents might react to excessive drunkenness: “I woke up to my mother standing on a chair next to my bed kicking me. It was very painful.”

Awww…: “So d’you you love her?”

“Nah, not really.”

Inevitable memory loss: “I was off me nut that night. I was wearing three pairs of trousers. It took the police ages to search me.”

Threatening behaviour: “If you don’t shut up, I’ll put your head through that clock.”

A noteworthy achievement: “He’s just got out of prison. What you done, yeah?”

Someone said this to me once: “I’m like a chocoholic, but for booze.”

When fashion and drinking collide: “I like your new coat.”

“Cheers, I found it in a nightclub.”

Explaining a sudden disappearance on a night out: “What happened to you on New Year’s Eve?”

“I got arrested.”

“What for?”

“Making threats to kill.”

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